Bring Back the 90s

I'd never thought I'd say this but I miss the 90s.

I think they've been ushered in once more with the resurgence of Vanilla Ice, the Spice Girls and New Kids on the Block.
But I didn't pay these acts any notice. I had a nauseating notion that the 90s were back but I didn't really feel it in me. When I think of the 90s, I think dance tunes, nostalgic rap and thumping beats. I also think of Lebanese guys competing for the biggest car subwuffer but that's another story.

So I was at the gym the other day, tuning in to the 9 plasma screens for something out of the ordinary. Suddenly, plasma screen number 5 grows dark and this menacing basey march begins to resonate. Meanwhile this bouncing black dude with gold chains appears from the ominous darkness, promising to rap away to the beat. Then without warning, I hear a frantic female voice in the background oozing out an "I've got the POWER!!!!"

I nearly had a heart attack. Man, that's a song that I was certain to have buried deep into my most embarrassing music crushes never to be mentioned again- area of my brain...but here I was, actually liking this song. Worse, I had this huge smile on my face and I felt like doing the running man and all that stuff.

After Snap, you wouldn't believe who else came on... Another black dude, this time no rap. It was Haddaway. You know, "What is love? Lady don't hurt me! Don't hurt me!" Admittedly one of my favourite 90s dance song mainly because I used to dig the caped girl dancing in her thigh high boots in the music video.

How could this have happened? I promised myself when I started my first IT job in 1998 to never go backwards to the 90s. Never, ever. The 60s, not a problem, the 70s and the 80s maybe, those are the 'classic' re-doable periods. You may go there. But the 90s??? Don't ever think about it.

You can't be serious.

All this in vain because I'm digging every 90s song all over again. Ok, so EVERYBODY dance now. Give me the music....
I want to get seedy with Dirty Cash and Mr Vain, or catch the Last Train to Transcentral with the KLF at 3 A-e-A-m. I'm going to dance because Rhythm is a Dancer and Finally, it has happened to me, right in front of my face and I just can not hide it!!! Or how about 100% Pure Love? That was my ultimate, ultimate favourite. Crystal Waters dripped with cool. She was attitude, I wanted to be her and wear that hip white suit and those heels and move around like a snob.

And then there was Ace of Base...how many hours did I spend dancing in the bathroom in front of the mirror to Ace of Base? How many? I won't tell. I went crazy for Fashion Party in their main album.
Ok, ok, this is the bit I liked. It's when the guys belt out a rap with a deep warning voice:

Confess you look at her
Confess you'd like to be with her
Confess you look at her
Confess you'd like to be with her
Confess!
Confess you look at her

Crack me up. Ok, how about this bit later in the song, when the girls get a little sassy:

Dance yourself mad
Dance yourself mad
You'll like it
You'll like it

Attitude!!!! That's what I'm talking about.

Which reminds me that nothing beats Groove is in the Heart for a song with attitude. I still know the entire song off by heart! Bless me. The chills that you spill up my back...
Strange. Come to think of it, I'm not missing MC Hammer. He said Can't Touch This but hell, I don't even want to...yuck.

Although, guess what, I did have MC Hammer pants once. You had to. It was the done thing... I'd put them on. Then I'd bounce up and down, rapidly moving my legs front and back in criss cross motion and spinning around. The pants looked so good back then.

But no,no,no, those pants are off limits. For the moment anyway...